AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

Midnight of July 12, 2014. After the celebration of Pharmacy Acquaintance party.  She went back. Again. Love pa daw niya ako. Nagwait siya sa gate. Supposedly, I promised not to go downstairs and talk. Pero it’s really hard for me to hold grudges to anyone especially to whom you have spent your one of your best memories with. So hindi ko nanaman siya natiis that’s why nagbaba ako and let her come in. I was really angry that I want to punch, kick, slap and everything. But I acted professional. We talked in our room. Love niya pa daw ko. And deep inside me i know love ko parin siya pero grabe din kasi yung ginawa niya sa akin. Parang hindi tao ang pagtreat niya sakn na it feels na walang akong emotions na makafeel ng hurt. For me i think nagpakatanga nanaman ako. Sila pa that time pero nag-agree ako. Tanga na sa lahat ng tanga. I told her that I regretted everything that happened between the two us. I wished I never met her or even spent my time with her. I just realized in that 2 weeks that I lost my friends, my family’s expectations and my faith. Especially my faith. It was indeed a very big issue for me. A lot of people have big expectations towards me. I felt I betrayed them as well. But promise I never expected that I will be involved to her. We spent great and happy memories together.

She begged again. But I needed time to think. Hindi din kasi basta basta yung ginawa niya. Kahit sino din magka-50:50 pa. Honestly namiss ko siya. Promise. Super. The time na nakita ko siya gusto ko siya i-hug at the same time. Pero nagaconquer kasi sa sel ko ang anger. Pinagsisihan niya daw lahat lhat ng nagawa niya. Siyempre hindi ako nagbelieve. Sino ba naman ang magbelieve diba? That’s why sinakyanan ko lang lahat ng mga sinasabi niya that night. When she demanded a cuddle, I insisted t first kasi nga galit ako. Pero actually pinilit ko lang ang self ko na i-cuddle siya kasi pinagbigyan ko lang siya. We talked for hoursssss. Until we fell asleep together. Morning has come and she needs to go because my family will be coming here. So I let her go and told her that we will forget what happened last night and pretend that nothing happened. And again we will be back to strangers. She agreed and I felt glad for that.

ANOTHER

Honestly, I already care about you less not like before. You’re the one who practiced myself to become like this. Somehow, there’s still doubt. There’s always a doubt but I don’t care anymore. If something might happen then, okay?! I already know the feeling so I’m already used to it. You’re the one who’s making an effort to have me back. I wish you will PROVE and SHOW it in your actions not by just by your words. But I know the LOVE is always there.  So whatever happens, happens. 

Relieved. :)

Thanks God! Alam na nila. Thank you God for giving me such friends who still accepted me for what I’ve done. I told them EVERYTHING. Walang labis and walang kulang. I realized that I already found my true friends who didn’t kicked me off but instead comforted me and understood everything. Though there are times na nagduda sila and hated me for my actions, andyan pa rin sila. Now i feel like a thorn was pulled from my chest. Thank you! They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. Hahaha Kaya to! Nasa akin na daw ang lahat sabi ni Jessah. Qualities of being a good partner. Marami pa daw dyan. I don’t deserve to be treated like this.I guess tama nga. Enough na yun. :)

This is it!!!

It’s over. :) Nawalan nanaman ako ng gana mag-eat, attend classes and everything. Nooooo! Don’t tell me loss weight nanaman. Huhuhu I love my body that much. Hahaha Tama na siguro yung last time na begging and all. I lost my dignity na and increased your ego. That’s why parang wala na lang sayo na mawala ang lahat-lahat. Chaaaaar! Hahaha Kaya ko to! Kaya! Though mahirap, I know I can do this. But always remember that I didn’t regret anything or everything, This is the end! :) BECAUSE I’M HAPPY, CLAP ALONG IF YOU FEEL LIKE A ROOM WITHOUT A ROOF. Thanks Lord. Woooohoooo! You’ll gonna miss me when I’m gone. Hahaha I promise to change myself and be a better me. Promise and swear. I won’t let that one ruin my life. I should continue life and leave that behind. Yessss! :)